Journal

Don't!!!!

2010-08-12T07:48:00.000-07:00

Don't do what you hate if you can avoid it! Never do it if you know that you will be upset after!

I took it for granted, and I'm freak out now.

2010-08-01T02:08:00.000-07:00

I'm freak out! Time is getting short while I'm not yet ready for it. Just thinking of what I'm going to teach next semester stresses me out already because it is a big challenge that I'm not sure if I can accomplish it successfully. I'm too novice to teach an MA course.

When I accepted the job offer, I thought that it would not be very tough since I've got qualification in that area. I told myself that I still had a lot of time to be prepared and I would be able to do it at ease. Things, however, did not go as I had expected as soon as I looked at a sample of course outline. I was freaked out for weeks. I couldn't even look at the program booklet, which put me under serious pressure. Now, I have to put a brave face to get my first assignment--designing course outline--done regardless of how I feel.

I need confidence to overcome this challenge, and I know that I can do it if I just work harder.

A commitment! (maybe)

2010-07-22T08:25:00.000-07:00

How many times have I told myself to start my writing habit again? Well, I don't actually remember because I tell myself too often to write, but when I am sitting in front of my blog, I feel like I don't want to write, or writing is not what I should do since other prioritized works are waiting for me. Now, I'm a bit free from my work because most of my classes are over, and the last classes are reaching the end next week.

It has been a year that I haven't written any academic paper, causing the decline of my writing skills. Now, I look like an illiterate person when it is time to write because I sit and stare at the computer like hours thinking of what to write, while nothing comes out at all. Stress is another problem I'm facing. Writing is too scary and stressful for me. I need at least 15 minutes to write and to finalize a short paragraph of 4 or 5 lines. Pressures of being perfect in terms of grammar, of producing a fancy writing, and of being who I am create a barrier to let my ideas flow, which in turn stress me out. I hope journal writing will remove this stressful emotion and improve my skills. The fact is that I know all the skills, but what I need to do is to keep practicing. That's what I always tell the students while I myself don't even make it a reality. Too bad!!!!

Excitement or No Excitement?

2010-06-09T07:01:00.000-07:00

Now, I am taking a short vacation alone at where I spent my graduate life, but it is kind of weird because I haven't found any excitement at all although it is hundred thousands miles away from home and although it used to be where I stayed. Whenever I look out of the windows, I keep asking myself if I am not excited at all. "Not at all" is the only answer I can give to myself. It is just a place where I do not belong to. It is a weird feeling for the vacation. Anyway, I'll go back to my regular life in 3 days and I am looking forward to it.

I Am Back.

2010-05-04T08:29:00.000-07:00

It has been a year that I have not written anything in this blog because I have been both busy and lazy. During my absent period, I have often felt like writing about this and that, but I was not motivated enough to click on the new post. What a shame!

Anyway, I am back now. However, being back does not mean that I am committed to post a journal regularly. Again, it depends on my mood and situation.

Here is an issue I want to write about. What is the opposite of love?It is definitely not "hatred". According to a Psychology Professor, the opposite of love is indifference. I definitely understand and realize it since I have tried it with a few people already. However, why cannot I do it with a lady who does not even know me personally? Why does a shadow of the unwanted past always arise in my mind whenever I hear or see her name? Why am I always curious to know what she is up to? It is so wrong. I know it. What I have to do is to learn not to have any interest in her and then I will be able to forget the painful past and simply ignore her name because she is just the one in millions of people whom I do not know. I hope I can do it.

Disappointment

2009-04-10T20:22:00.000-07:00

Despite the fun that I had during the Cambodian New Year celebration at UMass today, I was a little bit disappointed of not having a chance to talk to a guest speaker, Ms. Socheata Peov. She was invited to give a talk about Cambodian genocide and her efforts in intergrating Cambodian genocide unit into school curriculum. I am deeply interested in her project and I really want to find out more about it since genocide and curriculum are both fascinating to me. Unfortunately, I couldn't find her. I tried to search for her in every angle, but my effort was in vain. I wish I could talk to her!!!!!

A funny plot!

2009-04-10T14:00:00.000-07:00

I just want to write something that will always makes me smile whenever I read it, and I'm sure that a short plot based on a true story that I will describe below is that thing. So, here it goes:

Three friends, two girls and one boy, just got back to the room after a long day of walking. Instead of going to bed straight, the girls (K & T) were chatting and giggling since they had not met for years. Meanwhile, the boy (V) at the other end of the room was lying down, trying to relax and pretending to fall asleep.

K : "...................?"
T : "........................................."

Suddenly, V got up and shouted "ហ្នឹងហើយ!អាហ្នឹងហា!". The girls were looking at him surprisingly. Only did they see his eyes opening and moving that they were sure he was not sleep talking. So, what was he talking about?

V tried to explain, "ហ្នឹងហើយដែលយើងចង់ប្រាប់ពីពេលថ្ងៃហ្នឹងណា!"
Getting what he tried to prove, T exploded her laughter, while K was still narrowing her eyebrows to figure out what was happening.

Then, looking at K, V explained further, "លឺសម្លេងវានិយាយអត់? អន់ដឺនដល់ក ។"
K immediately sent off her laughter as a sign of understanding "ហាហាហាហា", "អញ្ចឹងក៏ខំប្រឹងងើបមកប្រាប់គេដែរ ។"

Unicode testing

2009-04-10T13:59:00.000-07:00

សរសេរខ្មែរបានតើ! ស្មានតែមិនបានហើយ ។ អស្ចារ្យមែន! ខ្ញុំគ្រាន់តែសាកល្បងប៉ុណ្ណោះ។

Old Friends

2009-04-01T18:44:00.000-07:00

3 Old Friends spending holiday together at California after years of staying apart

This is the best thing of all that I did in Spring Break. Traveling was of course an interesting part, but having high school friends was the most meaningful one.

Driving from New Jersey and flying from Massachusetts, Vut and I traveled across thousands of miles to meet our dear friend, Kheng, who is residing in Mission Viejo, CA. The first moment we met reminded us about our unforgetable high school memory since we started a conversation of how we looked like in high school and how we are now. Lots of teasing and laughing were evidently seen and heard in the conversation. Kicking sometimes happened when Kheng was mocked by Vut. :D

Sadly enough, the first time of meeting is also the last time one during my stay in the U.S.

Too many things in one day!

2009-03-25T19:32:00.001-07:00

I'm supposed to finish my book report right now, not to waste my time doing other things. But, I can't convince myself to put all of my attention on homework as I know too many things, which exceeds my current accepting ability. Why do I have to care about those things when they have nothing to do with me? The most straightforward answer I can give right now is probably their relevancy to what I value. I feel sorry that I used to valued one of them when I've realized that it is actually one of the most dirty things I hate (sigh).

This is the truth, and I have to accept it. Anyway, it's none of my business. I'm going back to my work. :D

I'm mean.

2009-03-09T19:50:00.000-07:00

I know I have been mean lately, but I can't always be nice to everyone all the time, especially when their behavior offends me consciously or unconsciously. I need to be frank of what I'm thinking sometimes, otherwise they do not know how I feel. Today, I didn't even reply to one's sorry with forgiveness although I accept it quietly because she must learn something.

I'll do good only to those who are good to me and to those who are innocent.

Finallly, ....

2009-02-26T18:28:00.000-08:00

Thanks God! It is Thursday night finally. I have been waiting impatiently for weekend to come since I really need to take a day off from everything. I have worked so hard since Monday, but looking at what I have done really pays off and brings me a smile as I know that I have used my time wisely this time.

I'm thinking that my break should be on Friday so that I can resume working on my readings and assignments on Saturday and Sunday. I keep feeling that I have so many readings to catch up, but what makes it worse is that I don't even know what the readings. I'm not good at independent study at all! I desperately need specific guides to keep me going on the right track. Does it mean that my cognitive development is not yet mature? Maybe. Otherwise, i would be able to do self-direct learning.

Whatever! It is my break now. Yeahh!!!!

My Valentine's gift

2009-02-18T06:40:00.000-08:00

What A Day!

2009-02-10T20:19:00.000-08:00

How does this phrase mean when you first read it? Does it carry positive or negative connotation? In this particular context, it means negatively. What I want to say exactly is "What a useless day!" Oh, My God. I've a lot of things to do, but I can't finish even one task. I'm so disappointed in my time management skill. While I am supposed to make it a fruitful day, I end up wasting too much time in chatting conference, talking on the phone, and surfing the net. What annoys me the most is chatting in a no-result conference, which I shouldn't have involved at all. I should have gone offline and ignore a phone call asking me to join it. SO FRUSTRATED!!!!!!!!!!!!

Calm down................(inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale.....) I should go to bed now.

My Sunday

2009-02-01T16:56:00.001-08:00

Sunday, Sunday! So what? I didn't get out of the dorm at all. I have locked myself in the room all day long--sleeping, eating, reading, watching, and talking (one the phone only because my roomate has gone out since early morning). It is not boring, though, becuase I am in a good mood. :D

My face yesterday was very awful. I was angry, upset, and moody. Although I attended a dinner party organized by friends in dorm, I didn't enjoy it very much. I had to force myself to produce a fake smile. Some friends were trying to have a chat with me, but I tried to avoid them. I prefered sitting alone like a rock. It is bad, isn't it? I knew clearly that the unhappy feeling should be thrown away for the sake of party, but I couldn't do it. The cause of all these moods is actually my dissapointment of not getting an expected phone call. I kept looking at my phone, check the service bar and ringing sound to make sure I don't miss it. Unfortunately, I couldn't get it.

8am this morning, Ring Ring Ring! Who the hell called me at this time? I was dreaming. Once I heard the voice, I was no longer sleepy.hehehe. I finally got it.

As a mother...

2009-01-14T21:05:00.000-08:00

Mother's love to children is one of the biggest things in the world. Although children are good or bad, smart or stupid, normal or disabled, mothers still provide warmth, love and care to their beloved children. Unfortunately, some mothers are tortured emotionally or/and physically by their children in return to their pure love. Here is a story:

A son has been diagnosticed with psychological disorder. His mother has tried her best to seek a good treatment for him inside and outside the country, and his condition has become better. His mind is normal and stable most of the time. However, whenever his nerve disorder hits, he acts very violently. He has actually hanged himself and taken rat killer pills, but it was not the end of his life. He still survives to do the worst thing ever in his life. A week ago, his psychological illness returned to him while he was staying home only with his mum. Unable to take control of his mind and action, he became very agressive. What he did at that time was to get his mum's life. He hit her very badly. He even grabbed her throat to end her life. His mum couldn't defend herself from a strong-built aggressive son. She eventually fell unconscious in blood. When her first son came home, the house was locked inside in two layers. He had to find someone to unlock it. Once he entered the house, he saw his crazy brother coming downstair with blood on his t-shirt. Then, he ran hurridly upstair with worry. All he saw was his mum lying in blood. It was a terrible scence.

Now, the mother is staying in a hospital with 50% chance of survival. I hope she can make it.

Christmas

2009-01-08T20:05:00.001-08:00

Hmmm, I haven't written anything in this blog for a month. What did I do? Well, I was busy with my final papers, and then I made a journey to Montreal as soon as I handed in all my work. My holiday becomes boring without my nephew. He is spending an awesome time with his grandparents in Battambang. I'm missing him badly.

Anyway, I wanna write about my activities on Christmas although it was over. My brother, sister, and I jumped into a car to meet some other friends in Tremblant, which is the highest mountain and the most popular skiing resort in Quebec, Canada. The view of a small town half up to the mountain peak is gorgeous. It was like a town in Dream World. All I could say was "wow". Although I enjoyed the view, the weather bother me alot. It was -20c up there, brrrr. My feet were numb. I swear I will never go to the mountain again when the temperature is below -15c.

Panha's First Trip

2008-12-08T21:59:00.000-08:00

This is the first day that my nephew is spending in Cambodia. As soon as I knew that he arrived, I gave my parents a call to find out his well-being and my parents' reactions to meet the first grandchild. He actually cried quite a lot in a plan because he could hardly sleep and move. However, once he got out of the arrival gate, he charmingly became silent and gentle as he is always. Staying in my mum's hands, he looked at other people attentively and sometimes brought his head up to see his grandma. He is absolutely adorable.

Just A Writing

2008-12-04T18:59:00.000-08:00

"Are you unhappy?," asked my classmate while she, another friend, and I were giving comments on how our papers were graded. Her question striked me, for I didn't realize that the way I was talking implied my feeling, which she infered incorrectly. I didn't mind at all with my score because it was not the bottom of the class. As long as I stay at the same level with other people, I'm fine. :D

IFLer Group

2008-11-25T13:45:00.000-08:00

It is the first time ever that I find forum discussion very fascinating. It is in this website www.iflers.ning.com, which allows me to interact with people in IFL community--lecturers, students, and graduates. Many wonderful topics are posted in the forum, and I can't stop reading all of them, for they are very related to my context, my major, and my future career. It is a great place for me to share. It is where I belong to.

Thanks to Lect. Mongkol for his initiative in creating this group.

Peer Feedback

2008-11-20T20:50:00.001-08:00

"How about internatinal students, have you done peer feedback in your home countries?," said Professor. Then, two Chinese students nodded while I slightly shaked my head. Maybe I was the only one who show "no" expression, that's why Professor directed all her questions to me. After giving answers, I realized something. I actually did it once in year 2 in WS with Lect. SVC, but I don't remember anything about the process except my comments on a friend's writing.

What makes me remember those comments when I can't even recall his comments on my paper? It is a memory of having seen those comments again in his email to me when we were in year 3, which indeed surprised me.

Anyway, I have lost contact with him since we finished school. Hope he is doing fine.

Benefits of Journal Writing

2008-11-19T18:25:00.000-08:00

According to Merriam, Caffarella and Baumgartner (2007), there are three benefits of journal writing.
1. It is a means of coping with day-to-day lives, including with decisions, with relationship issues, and "as an antidote to failing memory".
2. Journals are a sort of milestone for measuring one's own progress in the journey of human development.
3. Journaling allowed for the nurturing of one's voice and spirit, "having something meaningful to say."

Kerka (2000, p1) offers a set of assumptions about how learning occurs in journal writing:
- Articulating connections between new and existing knowledge improves learning.
- Writing about learning is a way of demonstrating what has been learned.
- Journal writing accentuates favorable learning conditions--it demands time and space for reflection, encourages independent thought and ownership, enables expression of feelings, and provides a place to work with ill-structured problems.
- Reflection encourages deep rather than surface learning.

Struggling to make even a small decision

2008-11-03T20:40:00.000-08:00

How long have I become complicated and indecisive? since long ago, I guess. Right now, I am struggling to decide if I should go out of town for 5 days while I have a few assignments and one paper due by the time I come back. One idea tells me that I can bring books and do assignments over there. Another idea, however, points out that practically I won't do any. The only solution right now is to get assignments done before I start my trip, but can I finish all of them within that time frame? I really don't think so.

After all, I should go on that trip, so I must hurriedly do my work. Hope things don't turn out negatively.

At a Bus Stop

2008-10-15T17:52:00.001-07:00

"Give the world a smile. You are so deep in thought," said an old man sitting on the bench besides me at a bus stop. His words woke me up, and made me realize his existance. Actually, I was not thinking of anything. I was extremely exhausted after a long journey, and waiting for the last bus to the dorm. By the old man's words, I can assume that my facial expression at that time was serious and unhappy, which I didn't realize. :D

I wonder why a young handsome man didn't notice me like the old man did. hehehe

What's wrong??????

2008-10-08T10:37:00.000-07:00

What's wrong with me right now? I was alright in the morning, but all of the sudden, I've become moody and felt discontented with where I am and people in this country. I'm thinking how much i can take it. Honeslty, I'm proud of being educated in this environment, and it's what I have always wanted. However, having been discriminated and humiliated either directly or indirectly, I'm fed up with living among them. I want my life backkkkk.

Mummy and Baby Pandas

2008-10-04T21:28:00.000-07:00

It's a gift for myself. :D

Feeling at the end of the day

2008-10-01T19:53:00.000-07:00

Do you always give a minute or so to find out how you feel at the end of the day? I don't usually do it, but it just pops up sometimes. Today, I have done many things that I should do, and I felt that I have made a good use of time until I realized that I didn't do things right at all. Well, the next question is "What do I mean by doing things right?" Anyway, I'm too occupied with tons of reading and writing assignments.

Gotta go back to reading.

A Thought Of The Day

2008-09-23T16:54:00.000-07:00

Something interesting came to my mind this morning when I was waiting for a bus. Actually, it first started with one simple question that I have asked my neighbor about hours of operation of a nearby grocery store. I asked if the store was opened at 8am, and she was surprised that I wanted to go to the store that early because people don't usually go at that time.

Then, I took that incident as an example to explain another issue. My neighbor was surprised because she might think that I had a plenty of time to go shopping as the store is opened until 9pm. However, she didn't think about my purpose of going early.

Let's put it this way: What if I ran out of everything to cook for lunch? Of course, I had to go there early. What if I still had something to eat for lunch and nothing for dinner, and I'd be busy in the afternoon? I still had to go early. What if I had food in a fridge and I just wanted to buy more? I could go anytime. (there are many more "what if" cases.) Well, what I want to say here is that a decision and action go together with a purpose. Don't just follow people without knowing your own purposes/reasons. Other choose their ways because they have their goals. You choose your own way with your own goals.

A day of doing nothing

2008-09-21T16:09:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I wonder why I feel like I don't have time to do this and that while I'm doing nothing at all. Isn't it a waste of time? Time is going non-stop, but I'm doing nothing. I'd better grab a book and read it now.

A familiar face

2008-09-07T11:16:00.000-07:00

Wow, it's such a long time that I have been away from my blog. What have I been busy with? hmmmm, it's not important now because I'll try to update my blog from today on. (let's see how long I can do :-)

Yesterday, I got wet while i was waiting for a bus. I didn't know that it was raining that hard. As soon as everyone got on the bus, I caught a sight of a Chinese girl who was sitting in front of me. She looked familiar. "Have I met her before? NO", "Why is her face familiar? Ah, I know why" That answer made me frown. The more I looked at her from her right angle when she was laughing, the more upset I was. I was thinking about a person whom she looked like, and I wondered if SHE could laugh happily again like SHE had laughed before. Would SHE be happy to see me again? Would SHE be able to laugh with me again? It kills my heart when I think about these questions.

Finding Nimo

2008-04-21T18:52:00.000-07:00

It is an animation movie. Nimo is the name of the little fish who wants to explore the outside world, which is an ocean, and he gets caught by a girl who go fishing in a yacht. Then Nimo's dad starts the adventure to look for Nimo from somewhere I don't know to Sydney where he belived Nimo is kept. Nimo also gets help from his friends in a fish tank to go back to the ocean. He, eventually, meets his dad and go back home.

Of course, this is a children movie that must have happy ending, but it is inspiring to see how determined his dad is to find his only son. Father and Son!!!!!!

Lost And Found

2008-04-19T16:58:00.000-07:00

This is a title for my student id. I lost it yesterday when i went shopping. I tried to look for it at the shopping mall as soon as I realized that it was not in my bag and pockets, but I couldn't find it, so I gave up and took a bus back to school. I was also late for an appointment. I thought carefully of where it could fall. It might be on the bus, in the dressing room, or along the way.

This morning, I called the school bus system if any driver had reported of finding a student id, but the answer was "no". I was really curious of where my id was, and i was hoping that miracle could happen to me today. That's kinda stupid thought huh? In the afternoon, I couldn't study, watch tv, or did anything, so I grasped my bag and went to look for my id again. By the time I reached the last store, I lost all my hope. However, not everything in my day is bad. Finally, i've got my id back. Yehhhhh.

Although I can always get a new id from the office, I like an old one, and it eventually came back to me. :D Happy Happy!

A party at the ESL class.

2008-04-14T17:00:00.000-07:00

It is a party of the ESL intermediate class that I observed. It was my joy to see them talking to each other happily and taking photos in groups. As I am not a student, i became a photographer when the whole class wanted to take a picture together. I kept saying "one, two, three" and "wait, another one" again and again until I finished all the cameras in my hand. :D

Then, Barbara, a teacher, gave certificates to those who have come to class more than 80% of the term session. Before she called out each student's name, she gave an overall impression of him/her. There came a Chinese boy whom I have talked to only in the party although I have observed his class for two semesters. Barbara also told everyone that this boy is leaving the class and Amherst because he is moving to New York. Everyone was surprised. Before the party ended, he walked out of the class. I looked at him from behind and wondered if he felt that he was leaving his classmates, the ESL class he has attended, and Amherst where he has stayed for a certain period of time. Anyway, wish him good luck at New York.

An Awful Task

2008-04-11T12:51:00.000-07:00

How do you feel if you have to decide a matter of life and death of some people? In one group presentation activity, participants were required to do a task that we were doctors and we must decide who should receive heart replacment. There were six patients, but only two hearts were available. Oh, God! I felt terribly awful. I kept asking myself when i looked through the handout "what if this patient A was my family member, patient B was my teacher, or patient C was an old gentleman who had done great deeds for the world and so on and forth?" Not surprisingly, some people in my class resisted not to choose anyone. That was an awful task!

My Saturday.

2008-04-05T19:40:00.000-07:00

Let's me think what my saturday has been like. It went simply this way: I got up, had lunch, read a little bit, took a nap, went ice-skating, had dinner, went for a walk at the Amherst Center, and came back to the room.

Usually, i enjoy playing ice-skating, but today i got bored with it. I think because i was not really in a happy mood and when i went around and around in the rink, i felt bored. Now, I want to do outdoor activities. The dinner was very nice. We shared food and ate altogether. The unusual thing in the dorm was its quietness on Saturday evening. It was like there were only 4 of us in the entire building. After dinner, we wanted to play pool, but we couldn't because the cluster office was closed. Then Wati and I decided to walk to Amherst Center with Rebecca, for we didn't want to lock ourselves in the rooms at that time. We spent about 1 hours, walking in a small downtown and caught a bus back to the dorm. That's my Saturday.

3 Hours at the dinning common.

2008-04-02T19:09:00.001-07:00

I can't believe that I spent 3 hours today at the dining common although i haven't yet finished my paper that is due tomorrow. :D Here is the story. I went there at 6:30 and waited in a long queue for sushi. Then, i got a tray full of food and fruit, but it took me for some minutes to find a seat, for the dinning common today was full of students. While eating, i was also looking for a friend who always shows up at that time, but I didn't see her. Right after i finished dinner and walked out of the dinning common, there she was in a line with my Chinese friend. Simply, both of them sent me back to go inside so that we all could talk. So i went inside and accompanied them until they finished their meals. Surprisingly, the executive chef approached us and gave us a desert "sticky rice with mango". The Hong Kong boys besides my table were jealous, so they also asked for that desert.:-) Five minutes later, he reappeared with a plate of special sushi for three of us. We finished it, and we were given another plate of the same sushi. Those boys didn't get the sushi.hehehehe. We were very full actually, but we must eat to accept his kindness. He was chatting with us a little bit, then the director of dinning service joined the talk for a few minutes. I had never thought that I could be offered special food personally from the executive chef. It was very kind of him. Finallly, I left the dinning common at 9:30pm, the lastest that i have stayed since i started UMass.

Discrimination.

2008-03-29T20:59:00.000-07:00

I visited New York City this weekend, and it was a wonderful trip. Well, just want to write about one discrimination incident that happened on my Indonesian friends at subway station. While we were waiting for passengers to get out of metro so that we could go in, one White man walked toward Wati on purpose and said two awful sentences. He said, "Hey, you are stupid! I hate you!" At first i thought that he was mentally ill, but he is not. He wore suit and carried a black bag, that definitely shows he is a white-collar employee. Obviously he intentionally showed his hatred toward Islam people because of terrorism, but it is not acceptable to hate every Islam person. Not every of them supports, involves, or commits terrorism.

What I've done today...........

2008-03-13T19:29:00.000-07:00

I started the day with the bad mood again:-( I was still unhappy when i walked to class in the evening. Before i entered a building, two of my classmates was also walking toward a building. I didn't see them because i was walking and looking down on the ground. I was not thinking of anything, but i was sad, so i didn't want to look up to see the world. I was waken up by a shouting voice. I looked up and saw my classmate, but i was not sure if she talked to me or a girl infront of me. She noticed that i was upset. Another classmate appeared suddenly and she said that I must be thinking of something that's why i didn't see her waving at me. Actually, i was surprised that i was noticed by other people at that time. The only acceptable excuse i could give them is that I didn't see them because i was thinking of something else.

After class, i went to have dinner at a dining common and joined the ice-cream party orgainized in the dorm. It was kinda fun, talking to some people and taking picture together. Then, my RA taught me how to play pool. After 3 rounds, my pair beated my RA pair.

Hmmmmm.

2008-03-12T20:19:00.000-07:00

It seems like blog is a place that i can express my sadness and lonliness. As far as I notice, most of the things that i have written are negative. Again, this entry is about my....(what words should I use? no idea). Sometimes, I'm just moody. 2 hours ago I had fun and laugh with friends, and now i'm feeling upset for no reason. It's just another typical day.

My mind was blank......

2008-02-21T17:31:00.000-08:00

I don't know what's wrong with me today. I couldn't understand anything about what Professor said. My mind was just blank and refused to process anything. I went to class with all the materials that i have read, but when it came to the group discussion, not even a single word came from my mouth. I didn't have anything to say. It is partly because people said what i had in mind before I opened my mouth to speak.

2008-02-20T19:14:00.000-08:00

I have been very confused and stressful for the last two weeks. I was making myself complicated when i wanted to do things that give benefits for both now and future, so i was reluctant to make decision. Plus, everything has not gone well. However, today I've made up my mind. I have spent enough time and done my best to wait for this decision, and I hope everything goes well.

Missing one friend.

2008-02-11T20:09:00.000-08:00

just finished chatting with a friend, and I'm missing the time that she and I have spent together in a foreign land without friends and families around. She and I hadn't known each other until we had to travel, study, and stay together. Back there, we did most of the things together. We went shopping, cooked at weekend, walked to class, traveled to different places with each other. I still remember that we liked the same ice-cream that we often bought after dinner.

But, this time she's going back to the same place alone, without me. Unlike last time, she feels sad coz when she's there, she'll be reminded of what she has done with me. She has to stay there for 2 years and a half. Hope everthing will be alright.

Freaked out.

2008-02-06T20:24:00.000-08:00

What i can say about what have happened to me for the last two days? They are not too bad, but not too good either. I have felt like a dumb person in the class. Yesterday, i read half of the reading materials that i didn't understand what it talked about before the class. I freaked out. I went to class, and i didn't say even a word in the group discussion, for i didn't print out the handouts and i didn't understand the content. I felt so bad.

I freaked out again before today class. I read the course syllabus, and Oh, My God! I didn't do the assignment right, but it was too late to change anything. I participated actively in the class, but the worst thing is that I was confusing about what a professor said. She was talking about A but i was thinking about B.

Where is my concentration? I need it back.......

Happy Chinese New Year

2008-02-05T20:42:00.001-08:00

At this hour, my family back home in Cambodia is having a big lunch to welcome the Chinese New Year, and what am i doing? Writing about my homesickness in this poor blog. I came back from class at 10pm, marinated pork for tomorrow lunch, and had a bowl of instant noodle. While having noodle, i was thinking what food my mum was cooking. I have to admit that i don't like those Chinese food very much, but i wish i could eat some now. Poor me!

Anyway, wish everyone, including me, all the best for Chinese New Year :D

Feeling lonely......

2008-01-31T20:22:00.000-08:00

"How do i feel about living here?" Do people often ask this question to themselves? I didn't ask that question when i was in Cambodia because that's my lovely country, my only home. What about here? It's just a foreign land that i never, and will never, belong to. Too lonely to stay abroad.:-(

ELL or ESL?

2008-01-30T19:58:00.000-08:00

This is a question that i have never wondered before as i have already known what ELL and ESL stand for. It turns out to be a good question, though, after listening to the explanation. ELL was created under Bush's administration because they did not favor the Billigual program. Everyone studies English in America, so for those whose mother-tongue is not English are not recognized as ESL Learns. They are only English language learners.

Is teacher a career for women?

2008-01-30T19:50:00.001-08:00

As far as i have observed in some schools and my classes, teacher can be said as a popular career for women rather than men, especially in Billingual/ESL Education program. For every class in the last 2 semesters i have studied, there has been only one man of all 20 students or more in each class. That is unexpected to me coz when i was in the undergraduate program, at least 8 male students presented in classes. Overall, Billingual/ESL program is more for women :D.

Thinking about quitting job.

2007-11-28T17:08:00.000-08:00

I almost quitted the job in the After school program yesterday. I was thinking about quitting it in the Thanksgiving holiday because the job is boring and i don't get along well with the colleague. However, my honey didn't think that it was a good idea. He is right that my purpose of doing this job is to get experience and that job is not a game that I always have fun. Therefore, i've decided to do it until the end of the semester.

Thinking over again, i, actually, get along with some colleagues although we don't talk a lot. The problem is on me. I'm too quiet. I need to speak more to people. I can't just be a quiet and boring person as i am now. Communication is important, Thida!

Being upset!

2007-11-28T17:03:00.001-08:00

Today, i got pissed off in the morning, and i'm still not feeling happy right now (8pm), but i'm fine at the moment. Actually, I got mad over a small thing, but I don't really understand why i keep making myself being unhappy for all day long.

Anyway, no time to be trapped in that sad feeling right now. I need to do homework and work on my papers. Due date is coming soon.

Is being serious and sensitive a misake?

2007-11-14T16:31:00.000-08:00

I still can't figure out what is wrong with my serious and sensitive feeling. I don't often harm anyone with this feeling because i always try to control it and not to offend people that i talk to. Maybe it's because I don't have a sense of humor that i am seen that i always take things seriously. However, it doesn't mean that i cann't differentiate between joke and seriousness. I guess, it's from my characterisitic that i'm not very playful.

I understand clearly that when one is sensitive, one can have many problems. However, it doesn't mean that sensitivity is a mistake. Although i'm sensitive myself, I have always been careful with my speech or action not to offend people as I put myself in their shoes.

In short, i don't understand why it's wrong to be serious and sensitive.

An issue with a kid.

2007-10-29T15:09:00.000-07:00

What a bad day at After-school! I had an issue with a kid named Joe. He was very bad and disbehavoir today. He and his brother, Phillop, always have soy milk instead of regular milk with cereal during snack session. This afternoon, Clay also wanted soy milk because he is allegic to regular milk, and i have given him soy milk before. Meanwhile, Joe was demanding that the soy milk was only for him and his brother and that no one could have it. I tried to explain him the reason that Clay can't drink cow milk, but he didn't listen. He yelled back at me, so i ignored him and pour soy milk for Clay. Then, Joe was very mad at me. He gave me his fist and showed his anger. I looked straight at him and told him to go back to his seat. Then, he wanted to pour soy milk by himself, which is not allowed to do. I said i would pour it for him, but he covered his cereal bowl with his hands, so i turned my back and ignored him. He got so mad at me.

2 minutes later, Jaimy (the program coordinator) came into the room and noticed that Joe was in anger. Jaimy approached him and asked him why. He couldn't explain him. He just pointed at me with all his anger, and then he started yelling louder and louder. Jaimy took him out to talk and he kept crying and screaming for about an hour. He was such a bad kid.

I think again about how i dealt with him, and i guess i did it right. I didn't yell back at him. That's the good thing that i do. However, the problem with me is that i won't go near that kid again. I don't like taking to kids that i don't like. I understand that kids are too young to mind, but kids should have limit in their behavior.

Remarks about some kids.

2007-10-15T15:30:00.001-07:00

Today, i had a good day at After-school program. I'd like to say what i learn about some kids.

As i spent most of the time of today with Clay, i've known him much better than before. He's still in kindergarten, but what he says show that he is more mature than his age. Today, he told me that i was a perfect woman with reasons that i don't remember:-) Then he told me a story of "Pizza Kitten" that somebody has read to him. I don't know how many times he has listened to it, but he remembers exactly every word. It's amazing. After the stories, he told me who have read him stories in the library, and he still remembers the story that i read to him once. He didn't look like he paid much attention while i was reading, but he remembers the content of the story. He has a good memory. Actually, the first day that i met him, i felt that he was not a normal kid. After getting attention and care from staffs, he has improved a lot.

Phillop is also a little kid in the program. He gets along well with everyone. He's a good kid, but he's got a diabet at this young age. He can't eat cookies and some certain food. His skin is always dry. With cold weather, his skin is even drier, and scratchy. I looked at his legs, and i wonder if his parents has ever put lotion on his skin. If they have, his skin hadn't gone that dry.

Ling-sui is a Chinese-American kid. His parents are graduate students at UMass. He's a nice and sensible kid. One day, his friend said that he would buy a mansion if he had a lot of money. However, Ling-sui replied that it was a waste and that he would save that money for his collIege because college is very important for one's future. I was surprised to hear such an answer from a small child. Isn't it amazing?

Hyun-mo is another Asian child in the program. He's Korean-American, and about Ling-sui's age, but he's not really nice. He's clever, but he's stubborn. He's very different from Ling-sui.

More about kids next time............

Why can't I......?

2007-10-12T15:45:00.000-07:00

Why can't I find words to talk to other people? Why can't I be good at communication? Why can't I do like others? Why can't I change this bad habit of mine? Why can't I???????????

I hate boring explanation.

2007-10-10T17:34:00.001-07:00

Being a teacher, one requires to have a good explanation skill. Does a good explanation have to be very long and elaborate?

This is a question that I always wonder. Lately, i've noticed that i don't like listening to long explanation. It's boring when i have to listen long to the thing that i have already known. I like people explaining short but meaningful. However, i've observed that those who are teachers always give long explanations even when they are talking to friends. I'm fed up with that.

Short but meaningful explanation is the best!

Back To School

2007-10-08T17:28:00.000-07:00

Finally, I'm back to school again after spending this weekend at my uncle's house. I had pretty good days there. I ate a lot, so when my friend first saw me could notice right away that i've gained some weight.:-)

I also went to see a new-born baby. She's my niece because her mum's my second-cousin. The baby is only one week old. She looks cute with big eyes, pointed nose, and twin lower lip (do i say this word right?) She'll be pretty when she grows up.

Fun Night!

2007-10-03T19:00:00.000-07:00

I just came back from my friend's early birthday party at a restaurant in downtown. Actually her birthday is on this Saturday, but i must go to my uncle's house this weekend, so she decided to have a party this evening.

There were 6 people, and we are all international--1 French, 1 Chinese, 1 Indian, 1 Cambodian (me, in case somebody asks.heheh), and 2 Vietnamese. I had so much fun and laughed a lot because they were so funny. I haven't laughed like that for such a long time or since I came to America, i think.

I miss my friends back home. We always laughed out loud and shared happy times when we had a gathering. I wish time could go faster so i could fly home earlier. I miss my life in Cambodia.

Unable to deal with kids.

2007-10-01T17:31:00.001-07:00

I'm tired today. Although i don't have class, but my afternoon was full. I went to the After-School program, gym, and dinner straightly.

One kid in the After-School gave me a hard time. I think it's not his mistake because he is only a small kid, but it's because i don't know how to deal with kids. I've to admit that i'm poor at working with small children. However, i'm sure that this program will help me gain more understanding about kids and solving problem stategies.

As far as I remember, one friend has told me that i can't be a teacher to children. Teenageers and adults are best students for me. He didn't give me a reason, but i know what he has said is true. Actually, he knows my characteristic that i'm serious and don't have a sense of humor, which is required to work with children.

Too much relaxed.

2007-09-25T18:09:00.000-07:00

Today i feel tired and confused. I feel like i'm too relaxed in anything happening around me. I don't actually know what is happening on school campus, and i don't have exact plan to manage my school life. Living in America, one must be very curious and brave to take action, but i'm not. Can it be like that because this is my first sememster? Hmmm, i'm not sure about that. It must be from my personality that make me so reluctant and far behind everyone.

I have to train myself to be more curious and independent. I must.

Some remarks......

2007-09-24T15:06:00.000-07:00

This is my second day that i have volunteered to work in the After-school Program at Mark's Meadow Elementary School.

Everything was fine, and i enjoyed it more than the first day as i get to know more kids and play with them. It's such a hard time in remembering kids' names, which i have never thought that it was that hard. Now, i can remeber some such as Phillop, Clay, Star, Marco, Vane, Niomi, Lily, Karia, Mark, Arik, and Joe.

The program is interesting. The coordinator and staff try to train kids to have discipline in a peaceful way. Before they are allowed to do any activity, they must raise their hands up and stay quiet. If they still make noise, they can't go or play. This routine encourages peer help coz kids often tell their friends to keep silent.

Everyday, kids are welcomed with snacks, play outdoor and indoor. Then, their parents come to pick them up, and I, a staff, must look after kids when they play outdoor, and play with them sometimes. It is an easy job, actually, as long as kids don't cry because I'm not good at consoling them. heheh. Through this program, i have found out that i'm lack of communication skill with kids. However, there are ways to develop this skill. Observing other staffs is one way, and there are some more.

Nothing Special about this Sunday!

2007-09-23T16:53:00.000-07:00

I almost forgot that today is Sunday because i didn't actually go to anywhere at all, besides library and dinning hall. I went to library to borrow some journals for my project, but unfortunately i couldn't check them out, so i spent 2 hours reading parts that i was interested in. Honestly, i fell asleep at the library. hehehe.

Every weekend is always good excepts one thing--meals. I hate meals at weekend. There is nothing good to eat. Maybe i should just buy a small rice cooker, and dun need to go to the dinning hall at weekend.

Today, i spent almost the whole day chatting with my bf. So happy................:-)

Pirates of the Carribean

2007-09-21T21:18:00.000-07:00

I just went back to my room from seeing "Pirates of the Carribean 3" at the Student Union. The movie was very long, 2 hours and 40mn. In fact, it was well-known to be a comedy and adventure, and many people like it. However, it was so so to me because i couldn't understand the content of the movie. They used English that i couldn't figure out the meaning. It was like i watched it all the way to the end without getting the movie content. There are so many questions that i have--why does this thing happen?, who are those people?...........

I hope i don't have a nightmare tonight. Some characters looked disgusting.

Breaking a record!

2007-09-19T17:25:00.001-07:00

Just a minute. I need to ask myself what i want to write about today.Hmmm. Let's talk about my EDUC 697 class.

Today, i broke a record in the class. I expressed my view to the rest of the class. I couldn't keep my mouth shut when the topic that Professor was talking was about Cambodian students' situation. After reading a research summary that he has done on Cambodian students, some students shared their views to the class. Actually, i raised my hand to speak out my view, but many people wanted to talk, so i decided to put my hand down. At that time, i felt that i must say something because i'm the only Cambodian in the class, and the text was about my people, but i didn't have enough courage to do so. Luckily, at the end of discussion, my Professor approached me and asked me to give comments on that research becasue he wanted to see from Cambodian's view. Eventually, i could say what was in my mind to the class. It was kinda stupid that i was nervous even to talk. From this experience, i must try to force myself to speak more in class and say whatever is in my mind.

In short, i'm happy that i could say something. Ye Ye........!

Waiting for..............

2007-09-16T07:12:00.000-07:00

It's Sunday 10:13am right now here, and it's Sunday night at Cambodia. I'm waiting for Ratha to be online. I sms him about half an hour ago, but he didn't reply. I waited and waited until i couldn't stay calm, so i phoned him. He was on the way home. At first, i felt a bit angry that he didn't reply me. However, when i know that he hurries up to come online, i feel bad because he decided to leave his friend group to talk with me. Also, once he is ready to chat, i'll be ready to leave for lunch. Poor us!

More photos....

2007-09-14T18:19:00.001-07:00

Corey, my 12-year-old cousin.

Aunt-in-law, mum, aunt, sis, and me.

Photos at Wedding

2007-09-14T18:05:00.000-07:00

Bride and Bridegroom. Do they look good? of course, they do

Dad and me in front of the house.

Sister, Gramma, Mum, and me at Church.

Test Reliability and Validity

2007-09-11T11:31:00.000-07:00

During 2 hours and a half in my "Fundamentals of Test Construction", the most frequent words that appeared in the power point and his speech are "Reliability" and "Validity". He's very interested in these two aspects, since they refer to the quality of the test. However, they made me sleepy and confused. I understand pretty clearly about reliability, but nothing about validity.

As far as i remember, reliability and validity are also mentioned in TM 401, but unfortunately, i didn't pay much attention to validity at that time, so here is a result of not reading book thoroughly.Lolz..... After all, i've got a bunch of papers about reliability and validity to read, and i hope i can understand them more after reading.

The First Day of Class

2007-09-04T18:56:00.000-07:00

This is my first day of Fall semester 2007. Were i excited? Hmmm, i think i was a bit excited and less nervous than before after having stayed on campus for a week. It is actually one of the benefits of orientation.

My class started at 9:15am today, so i got up at 8:30am, dressed up, had breakfast (cereal and milk) and walked to class. I think i was not late for class, but the room was full of students when i got there. They were just there early. Think so? Surprisingly, there were only 20 students. I thought there were at least 50 or so.

As soon as professor arrived, he distributed 6 handouts as reading meterials and 2 assignments. Oh, My God! The handouts on the first day are about half of the handouts i got within a semester at IFL. Too much. Anyway, the study here requires harder-working students as i have thought but I'm just like an old lady that always complain. Hence, don't mind me!

First Day At UMass

2007-08-28T19:23:00.000-07:00

Mon, 27th of Auguest is my first day at UMass. I come one week early than American students because of the internation orientation program. his program starts from Monday to Thursday, and then i have to move all my stuffs on Thursday morning to my permenant dorm, which is Prince. The dorm name looks highly honorable, but it's just a regular building.hahaha.

On the first sight of arriving, i saw a group of Japanese students taking off from a van, so it gave me a hint that there would be many Japanese students. Minutes later, a van of Chinese students arrived. This also meant something. My guess became clear when i entered the lobby because it was full of Japanese, Chinese, and Indian students. I was also looking around, hoping to see any Cambodian student. Unfortunately, there was none besides me. Poor me!

After registeration at the Lobby, i brought my backpack and a luggage to the room. You know what i saw once i opened the door? A high bed that is about my chest hight. Oh, My God! I can't get on it normally. I need to jump. Isn't it funny? When they set up the bed, they should have thought about the Asian students. I think American students don't mind having lower beds, but asian students of course have problems with high beds.

Hot Days

2007-08-03T18:02:00.000-07:00

Yesterday and today are believed to be the two hottest days for this week. It's about 90F (which is about 36C) in the afternoon. And imagine how hot it is in the house when there is only a small fan. I wish there was an air-conditioner home, so i won't be desperate for cool air. Actually, there is an ac, but my uncle is too lazy to bring it up from the basement and set it up. I hope hotness can wake up his lazy nerve so that everyone can enjoy staying inside and stop complaining about sweating. From my writing, my looks like a very lazy person, doesn't he? In fact, he is not at all. Lolz....

I didn't see the weather forecast today on the tv. Hopefully, it's getting cooler for the rest of the week. Well, tomorrow is the last day of this week, anyway. hahhaha.

Missing someone.....

2007-07-26T16:51:00.000-07:00

I just had dinner and played with my little cousin outside for a while. He was watering flower when i went outside to talk with him. Then, he splashed the water on me. Luckily, i've got wet only a little bit.

In fact, today i'm not really in a good mood. I feel lonely and miss my bf so much. He is at Siem Reap now with his mum and some relatives. I guess he will go back to Poypet today and stays there for a few more days and then go to Phnom Penh. I miss him badly today. I really want to talk with him, but i can't call him right now because he might be on the way. Therefore, i should calm down myself and call him tomorrow.

Flowers

2007-07-22T18:12:00.000-07:00

These are flowers around house. I like them a lot but i don't know their names. Yellow flowers give the most power to me. I don't know why. I just feel it.

America

2007-07-22T17:37:00.000-07:00

It has been about 10 months now that i have been in America. During this period, i have been keeping wondering whether America is really a nice place or a heaven like some people feel. To me, it is just a foreign country that i've never, and will never, felt that it is where i belong to. In my mind, there is always one phrase "There is no where better than home". I have family, freinds, and lots of good memory back home. These make me want to go back home and live there, and i will one day for sure.

In short, America is always a foreign land to me. Cambodia is the only place that i call home.

The Beginner!

2007-07-22T17:11:00.000-07:00

It's the first time that i have visited blogspot website, and i decided immediately to set up an account. Actually, i don't know what i want to write at all.